Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
