There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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