kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
