Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I believe in your delicious
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
