It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
