this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
