Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
