I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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