i just wanna soil my oats bro
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
