32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
