you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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