I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
