I look better un-naked...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
