evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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