It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Omg I joined a choir last night...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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