he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
