meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
