Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
