he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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