Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
