I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
