Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
