So drunk its hurt
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
