Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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