you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm at about main and main street
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
