I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
