Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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