So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I looked at my own cervix.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
