oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
