I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
