Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
