Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
