I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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