Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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