Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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