omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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