seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
