i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
