I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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