Please, let me fuck your mom
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
