Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
