well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
