turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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