The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
