i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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