Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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