OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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