i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
