I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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