Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
