Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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