oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
