So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
