Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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