She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
