are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
