Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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