insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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