My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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