I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
