he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize