My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
