if you like me you must not know who I am
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
