just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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