last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
