i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
420 ftw
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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