I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
