I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
we should paint friendship bongs
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
