if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
