yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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