You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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