i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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